Post by brentdog on Feb 9, 2016 18:37:07 GMT -5
Ahead of the real iNHL awards, here are my "just for fun" alternative awards:
The Hulk Hogan Award for biggest fall from grace – Oh, Boston!
The Ouch, That Hurts! Award for medical incompetence – San Jose Sharks. Losing a player like big Joe was something that could have happened to any franchise. Losing little Joe at the same time, followed by pretty much all your other centers at one point or another? That smacks of some sort of deeper malaise inside the Sharks medical room:
The Tin Hat Award for most exposed goalie – Ray Emery. After the injury to Malcolm Subban the veteran goalie faced the unenviable position of being the Bruins' de facto number one and found himself getting regularly shelled by 50+ shots a night behind the porous Boston defense.
The Bottled Lightning Award for most hyperactive GM – Chicago GM / Head Coach Rob Ranek. A self-confessed tinkerer, often chopping and changing his line-up five or six times a night, Ranek never seems to take a moment to stand still. Waxed and waned between mounting a Cup challenge one week and a full rebuild the next, before planting both feet firmly in the rebuild camp. Ranek and his colorful post-game interviews were sorely missed by the iNHL press corps during his absence from the Blackhawks bench during the short-lived, ill-fated tenure of Cru Jones.
The Lazarus Award for most impressive comeback – Columbus Blue Jackets. 4-0 down in the 3rd period against the Maple Leafs and with their playoff hopes hanging in the balance, The Ageless Wonder that is Jaromir Jagr scored two goals to give some hope to CBJ fans. Two goals in the last two minutes confirmed the most unlikely of comebacks and the Blue Jackets' place in the playoffs.
The Spitting in the Face of Father Time Award – Jaromir Jagr. The oldest player in the league continued to defy the ageing process, putting up 58 points in 72 games, including 17 in 18 for the Blue Jackets, helping to propel them into the playoffs as per the above.
The David Beckham Award for services to hairdressing – This could have gone to the Jagr mullet, but he's Eastern European so gets a free pass for having a terrible haircut. So step forward Dale Weise, a man surrounded by sartorial French-Canadian elegance and who should therefore know better:
The Bernie Madoff Award for worst investment in a player – Hampus Lindholm. After Lightning GM Justin Jackson mortgaged the future of his franchise to bring the excellent young Swede to Tampa, Lindholm promptly went down with a bad case of elbow-knack, putting him out for the rest of the season.
The Surely it had to be Witchcraft Award – Boston Bruins going 2-1-0 against the Ottawa Senators, culminating in the final day of the regular season when Boston struck an improbable 7 goals past first Jonas Hiller (5 goals against) and then Scott Darling (2 goals against). Ottawa, whose heretofore amazing run had put them in the playoff mix, were left understandably heartbroken, yet remain well set for next season thanks to their deadline day mini-rebuild.
The Bob Probert Award for goalscoring enforcer – Antonie Roussel. With 15 fights and 12 goals, Roussel proved equally adept at putting the puck in the net as shoving his fist into someone's face.
The Justin Bieber vs. Orlando Bloom Award for least likely fight – Steven Stamkos vs Andrew Ladd. The most unexpected match-up since Legolas fought the Canadian teen-pop sensation over the honor of Miranda Kerr, Stammer and Ladd came to blows when Tampa traveled to Calgary. Ladd won the awkward fight, with the whole unedifying spectacle prompting wild rumors of a John Scott to Tampa Bay Lightning trade.
The David Clarkson Award for least deserving salary – David Clarkson, naturally. Although Claude Julien ran him mighty close this year.
The Red Headed Stepchild Award for GM's least popular player – Vincent Lecavalier. From finding himself dressed as a goalie to being packaged with every conceivable trade offer, it seems Boston GM Pepsi Cola can't get rid of Lecavalier quick enough. Unfortunately for Cola, Vinny has tangled with the grumpiest of them all in the shape of John Tortorella and is still obdurately clinging to his roster spot - and eye-wateringly large salary - with the Bruins.
The Trench Warfare Award for defensive commitment – New Jersey Devils. With a love of defensive players that would make WWI Generals blush, this years iteration of the Devils certainly lived up to the legacy of the infamous 'Left Wing Lock' era teams. Only this year they can score too...
The Sound of Music Award for unnecessary sentimentality – Columbus Blue Jackets. Whilst you could make an argument for Washington bringing back Matt Hendricks “because they wuvv him sooo much”, the Blue Jackets recruitment policy of snapping up anyone who even so much as glanced at an Ohio State University prospectus takes top billing here.
The Maxim Balmochnykh Award for most unpronounceable name – This would surely have gone to Dustin Byfuglien (again) until the late arrival of Wes Vannieuwenhuizen, plucked from ECHL obscurity by the Washington Capitals, presumably in order to terrify AHL announcers everywhere during his stint with the Hershey Bears.
The Hulk Hogan Award for biggest fall from grace – Oh, Boston!
The Ouch, That Hurts! Award for medical incompetence – San Jose Sharks. Losing a player like big Joe was something that could have happened to any franchise. Losing little Joe at the same time, followed by pretty much all your other centers at one point or another? That smacks of some sort of deeper malaise inside the Sharks medical room:
The Tin Hat Award for most exposed goalie – Ray Emery. After the injury to Malcolm Subban the veteran goalie faced the unenviable position of being the Bruins' de facto number one and found himself getting regularly shelled by 50+ shots a night behind the porous Boston defense.
The Bottled Lightning Award for most hyperactive GM – Chicago GM / Head Coach Rob Ranek. A self-confessed tinkerer, often chopping and changing his line-up five or six times a night, Ranek never seems to take a moment to stand still. Waxed and waned between mounting a Cup challenge one week and a full rebuild the next, before planting both feet firmly in the rebuild camp. Ranek and his colorful post-game interviews were sorely missed by the iNHL press corps during his absence from the Blackhawks bench during the short-lived, ill-fated tenure of Cru Jones.
The Lazarus Award for most impressive comeback – Columbus Blue Jackets. 4-0 down in the 3rd period against the Maple Leafs and with their playoff hopes hanging in the balance, The Ageless Wonder that is Jaromir Jagr scored two goals to give some hope to CBJ fans. Two goals in the last two minutes confirmed the most unlikely of comebacks and the Blue Jackets' place in the playoffs.
The Spitting in the Face of Father Time Award – Jaromir Jagr. The oldest player in the league continued to defy the ageing process, putting up 58 points in 72 games, including 17 in 18 for the Blue Jackets, helping to propel them into the playoffs as per the above.
The David Beckham Award for services to hairdressing – This could have gone to the Jagr mullet, but he's Eastern European so gets a free pass for having a terrible haircut. So step forward Dale Weise, a man surrounded by sartorial French-Canadian elegance and who should therefore know better:
The Bernie Madoff Award for worst investment in a player – Hampus Lindholm. After Lightning GM Justin Jackson mortgaged the future of his franchise to bring the excellent young Swede to Tampa, Lindholm promptly went down with a bad case of elbow-knack, putting him out for the rest of the season.
The Surely it had to be Witchcraft Award – Boston Bruins going 2-1-0 against the Ottawa Senators, culminating in the final day of the regular season when Boston struck an improbable 7 goals past first Jonas Hiller (5 goals against) and then Scott Darling (2 goals against). Ottawa, whose heretofore amazing run had put them in the playoff mix, were left understandably heartbroken, yet remain well set for next season thanks to their deadline day mini-rebuild.
The Bob Probert Award for goalscoring enforcer – Antonie Roussel. With 15 fights and 12 goals, Roussel proved equally adept at putting the puck in the net as shoving his fist into someone's face.
The Justin Bieber vs. Orlando Bloom Award for least likely fight – Steven Stamkos vs Andrew Ladd. The most unexpected match-up since Legolas fought the Canadian teen-pop sensation over the honor of Miranda Kerr, Stammer and Ladd came to blows when Tampa traveled to Calgary. Ladd won the awkward fight, with the whole unedifying spectacle prompting wild rumors of a John Scott to Tampa Bay Lightning trade.
The David Clarkson Award for least deserving salary – David Clarkson, naturally. Although Claude Julien ran him mighty close this year.
The Red Headed Stepchild Award for GM's least popular player – Vincent Lecavalier. From finding himself dressed as a goalie to being packaged with every conceivable trade offer, it seems Boston GM Pepsi Cola can't get rid of Lecavalier quick enough. Unfortunately for Cola, Vinny has tangled with the grumpiest of them all in the shape of John Tortorella and is still obdurately clinging to his roster spot - and eye-wateringly large salary - with the Bruins.
The Trench Warfare Award for defensive commitment – New Jersey Devils. With a love of defensive players that would make WWI Generals blush, this years iteration of the Devils certainly lived up to the legacy of the infamous 'Left Wing Lock' era teams. Only this year they can score too...
The Sound of Music Award for unnecessary sentimentality – Columbus Blue Jackets. Whilst you could make an argument for Washington bringing back Matt Hendricks “because they wuvv him sooo much”, the Blue Jackets recruitment policy of snapping up anyone who even so much as glanced at an Ohio State University prospectus takes top billing here.
The Maxim Balmochnykh Award for most unpronounceable name – This would surely have gone to Dustin Byfuglien (again) until the late arrival of Wes Vannieuwenhuizen, plucked from ECHL obscurity by the Washington Capitals, presumably in order to terrify AHL announcers everywhere during his stint with the Hershey Bears.
